Yeah, yeah. Basically, this is another Ramadhan post, just like Hani's, Pick Yin's Najah's, Zsarina's, Jordan's, Idlan's, Dina's, Ash's, oh, hell, who knows. You're a Muslim? You're fasting? Post lah your YARP, before they take away your blogger's license.
Funny thing is, I can never seem to connect to Najah's and Zsarina's blogs. They always time out on me. I wonder why.
Anyway. Ramadhan. That time of the year again. Hell, what do I put in for my YARP? We've had our obligatory musings, the occasional Qur'anic verse, tales of how converts deal with Ramadhan and what not. Personally, I like Dina's Ramadhan post best — this one doesn't count, it's too short. It reminds me that the puasa is not just a religious thing, but an essentially human thing, with all the stupidities and snobberies associated with it.
I know, I know. Not happy with something until I take it down. I'm not very sentimental at all, am I? Not really. Yes, I know the significance of Ramadhan, as well as the associated hikmah that Ramadhan is supposed to teach. But every time this month comes I am assaulted not by holiness, but by memory.
My past two Ramadhans have been easy, but completely lonely. This is the first time in two years where it feels like I am performing the ibadah as a member of a community, not as an isolated Muslim in a sea of unbelievers. I didn't hang around the Muslim community in London a lot, see.
I kept forgetting how social Ramadhan was, until I didn't have that buffer surrounding me. Alone, by myself, I was reminded how precarious my situation was, and it hurt. It rubbed my soul raw, in a sense, because I felt like I had no anchor — either with family or my fellow Muslim friends.
Not this time. Yesterday we ended up having buka puasa with some friends. Blew a fortune, but it was worth it. Tonight is more or less the same, except that I won't be blowing a fortune — the food will hopefully be free. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure this year I'll never be breaking fast alone. If I can help it, I never want to break fast alone again.
I'm glad I'm home.